


Realizations

by orphan_account



Category: Almost Human
Genre: 5 Acts Meme, 5 Times, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Mostly Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-01-15
Packaged: 2018-01-08 19:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1136712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Dorian realized what John meant to him and one time he realized it was reciprocated. </p><p>A story meant to explore the developing relationship between John and Dorian throughout the first season.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Realizations

**1\. Intrigue**

His entire world, during the time he was inactive, held absolutely nothing. He was incapable of processing the years he spent deactivated and only remembered in perfect clarity the moment he was decommissioned before being reawakened. When he awoke four years and three months later and was first greeted with the sight of Detective John Kennex. The man Dorian was assigned to as his new partner and the individual that was responsible for his reinstatement. 

Truthfully Dorian wasn’t entirely sure what his initial assessment should be of Kennex upon their first meeting. The man being an entity shrouded in a dark cloud of resentment and anger further exemplified through his actions the more Dorian analyzed and observed. Like everyone else, Kennex referred to him as a ‘synthetic’ with blatant disregard as if he were an object. A callous barb serving as a reminder of his inferiority as he was made aware of everything he wasn’t. Yet despite his own surging irritation at the animosity, it was Kennex’s eyes that forced Dorian to reevaluate the situation. The hazel-green eyes that held a myriad of different emotions while the hostility was the shield he hid behind. The guilt that consumed Kennex when reminded of his own failures and the burning desperation to do something more. To avenge those he lost and to fuel his anger towards the ones responsible. 

Consequently, realizing this didn’t prevent Dorian from lashing out in return but it did allow him to determine an alternative approach. One that enabled him to finally glimpse past the defensive walls erected so precariously as he eventually met the man that his outdated files introduced him to down in Rudy’s lab. Kennex staring at Dorian instead of through him and looking at him without prejudice but instead a begrudging respect.

At the start of the day, Dorian had met Detective Kennex. A broken relic of the past that was similar yet different and was unwelcomed in the world they had awoken to. By the end of it, he got to meet John. The man that would be his partner recently reinstated along with himself. 

He still wasn’t entirely sure what his impression of John should be. Of whether or not this tentative truce would last before the walls and defenses were rebuilt and erected back in place. 

But, for now, none of that was relevant. 

None of it mattered.

For now, he was simply content with living in the present. Of looking out the passenger side window and smiling as he marked this as his real first memory since waking up. The moment in the lab slipping away as he was reintroduced to his partner. 

John, who gave him this second chance and the man Dorian owed his gratitude for letting him be here once again.

________________

**2\. Respect**

And yet, as time went on, John was a puzzle that Dorian continuously tried to solve. A man shrouded in contradiction with every new observation as they continued working cases together. The data being stored in a personal file dedicated solely to his partner as he became intrigued by this new variable. 

Dorian spoke truthfully when he mentioned John’s negative energy after their disastrous interaction with the children. How it was apparent that, despite his extraordinary proficiency as a cop, he lacked basic social skills in simple human interactions and needed assistance in forming new bonds and attachments. 

Hence why he created the dating profile despite John’s protests.

To him it was apparent that his partner’s issues hadn’t completely resolved themselves. That John still held survivor’s guilt and was hesitant in allowing relationships of any kind to form. Made more apparent when he wouldn’t pursue his interest in Detective Stahl and his reluctance to contact Pelham’s remaining family Maria and Marty Jr. 

But whereas Dorian made further notes about John’s shortcomings, such as his disregard for punctuality and his gruff demeanor, he was also observant of his more positive attributes. Whenever Dorian had any inquiry John would always answer with complete honesty. He never sugarcoated over the facts or outright lied and was thorough and concise with his responses. His simple explanations carrying startling insight whenever his compassion emerged on rare occasions. A fact proven when Dorian has confided in John about his fear of dying and his partner acknowledged it with understanding instead of mockery or scorn. Further exemplifying it in his loyalty and trust of Dorian’s own opinions and judgment.

It was a gift that had been given to him overtime and one that only made him appreciate John further. Something that made him grateful for having a partner he could instinctively trust and respect despite his flawed characteristics. 

Data had shown that the best proof of one’s existence is if one is remembered after they’re gone. John had even said that the people he helped would remember him. 

But when faced with the cold realization of death, after his reckless attempt to save the hostages, Dorian knew that the statement alone wasn’t enough to console or ease his apprehension. That he didn’t want to be remembered for his actions but rather for who he was and that he wanted to be important to someone that cared.

If he truly were to someday be gone from this world, the only thing he’d hope was to be remembered by someone closest to him. 

Maybe, one day, that person might even be John should he be fortunate enough to have earned his respect in return.

________________

**3\. Friendship**

However while their partnership continued to develop, there still remained unanswered queries in regards to other aspects of their relationship. One that was initially brought up when investigating the death of John’s friend Cooper. The man John believed innocent contrary to the evidence at hand. 

By definition friendship was a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people. A stronger form of an interpersonal bond that extended further than a mere acquaintanceship by a person whom one knew, liked, and trusted. Aside from John, Rudy was the only other individual that didn’t just interact with Dorian on a professional level. In fact the technician, despite his shyness and odd quirks, instead treated him as an equal and seemingly regarded him as a friend. Something Dorian was pleasantly appreciative of when reciprocating it in return. 

Yet with John it still remained somewhat of an undetermined factor. His partner offering him mixed signals that perplexed Dorian as to where they stood on a personal level. A conundrum that left him continuously baffled and frustrated. 

Dorian knew that John trusted him undeniably as his partner. That when working a case, John would defer to his expertise while trusting him to have his back. That, despite what his partner claimed, he genuinely liked him and showed concerned for his overall wellbeing. Proven, when after his dynamic voltage scaling was damaged, John remained with Dorian to repair it instead of pressing forward. Even going as far as to insist coming with him when they were forced to separate. The raw honesty giving Dorian comfort and courage to fulfill his programming orders over any uneasiness felt at the statistics of his unlikely survival. 

It’s why, when after talking to John about Cooper, that he initiated his own test. Why he decided to say the word ‘friend’ aloud for the first time while gauging his partner’s reaction to the casual remark. To the new variable Dorian risked introducing to their cemented partnership. 

Inevitably John did in fact deny it with his usual gruffness but how it was said made Dorian certain of where they stood. The observation being noted when they took Rudy to the bar to celebrate later that night. When Dorian sat there and observed Rudy and John interacting at the table they procured. Discreetly changing John’s status to now read as both his partner and his friend. A change that made Dorian smile contently for the remainder of the night with the knowledge that he was in the company of not one but two honorary friends. 

________________

**4\. Importance**

But whereas he comprehended the shift in their changing dynamics, he hadn’t accounted for the significance of how important John was to him. Of how reliant he was on his friend until meeting DRN-494. A model, like himself, that was decommissioned and forced to do menial labor as a mechanic in a hospital. A painful reminder of what originally awaited him once the DRNs became obsolete. 

Consequently, in his determination to right the wrongdoing, Dorian would admit that he acted rather rashly. That John had a right to be infuriated with him as his decisions weren’t without serious consequences. The first of many arising, when DRN-494 ran out to apprehend a suspect and John was forced to report the property damage to the Captain. Her hollering heard over the phone as his friend grimaced and took the blame for something he had done. Even going so far as to ask Dorian what his reasons were despite his mounting irritation. 

And yet, while Dorian had intended to answer John honestly, his response was still unexpected. The answer more than apparently obvious, now that he realized it, as all of the facts came to an inevitable conclusion. John’s surprise and discomfort matching his own even after the two of them had dismissed the moment to resume the case.

Because the truth, was that John was essentially everything. His savior, his partner, his friend, and the pivotal point of Dorian’s new life that was invaluable. A person that was his very first memory upon reawakening and someone that was prevalent in every new one created since. 

Without John, Dorian knew that he would have met the same fate as DRN-494. That he would have been reassigned to menial task work at NASA's suborbital C.N.A. Space Station temporarily before being placed back in cold storage indefinitely. Left only to wishful thinking, as there would have been no second chance offered had it not been for John’s intervention. 

Understandably to have that much power over him, unnerved Dorian with a fear he couldn’t properly define. An emotion that he had difficultly comprehending until their involvement with the next case. When John became the next victim of Simon’s psychotic revenge. 

In the heat of that incident, Dorian was faced with death once again. The circumstances being different, as it was merely an impending shut down, but with still the same outcome regardless. An impending deactivation against his will. It was only after he had properly charged, that he understood what was driving his unmitigated concerns. That, while his fears were present, there was something else at play this time. Something rather simplistic summed up to one answer.

Inevitably it wasn’t that he feared John for the power he held over him. Nor was it that he was concerned his friend would abuse it or compromise him emotionally with this unexpected codependency.

What Dorian feared in truth was the reality of John’s mortality. Of how his friend would eventually live and die without him and how he would remain outliving everyone in the end. Left alone in a time that continued to be an unforgiving mistress.

A DRN couldn’t say that it was born, grew in a womb, or had a childhood. They were not logic based or rule oriented and were essentially designed to feel.

Not for the first time, Dorian envied his replacements for their new programming. For the Mx’s that would never experience the overwhelming emotions of pain and loss for what was to come. 

Because when John was gone, there would be nothing left. 

And what made it worse was that Dorian could never have the same fate. 

________________

**5\. Love**

So, with all of the facts at hand, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when everything came into perfect clarity. When Dorian was perusing through his observations on John during routine maintenance and came upon the realization without warning. The astonishment startling him enough to accidently emit an electrical current that shocked Rudy mid-examination. 

By definition love was defined as an intense feeling of constant affection. An attraction that included sexual desires and was felt by people pursing a romantic relationship. A noun also described as a strong affection for another individual arising from a personal relationship or bond. 

For a while now, Dorian had suspected that his relationship with John was steadily progressing into something further. That after categorizing him under the status of friend and partner there was also another bond forming that extended beyond both terminologies. A strong emotion that Dorian now recognized as the unnamed factor he couldn’t properly define. 

In his recollections, Dorian could admit that John was appealing on a physical level. By human parameters he even met all the criteria as a suitably attractive male if one overlooked his grouchy and unfriendly demeanor. The negative energy being rather off-putting, as Maya had said during the Avery case. But when pulling up the particular memories of the interactions between John and Detective Stahl, he also knew that the emotion hadn’t surfaced from a physical attraction or from a surge of lust. That it wasn’t formed out of a desire to pursue a romantic relationship based on sexual desires. 

Consequently, further research into the topic only left Dorian frustrated and without any definitive answers. Lost in his troubling thoughts until he felt a strong electrical shock against his face. The jolt startling him back to full awareness as he was confronted with a concerned Rudy towering over him. 

It was Rudy’s conversation that provided him the insight into his newest conundrum. The technician listening patiently as Dorian explained his predicament while regarding him with both understanding and sympathy. Offering him a reassuring smile that made Dorian feel fortunate to have someone else he considered a close friend.

Truthfully, once pushing through his flustered embarrassment at Dorian’s first theory about John and sex, Rudy had asked Dorian to instead focus on another theory entirely by recalling their case with the sexbots for what his definition of love meant to him. Of how they were built with some of the DRN programming in order to empathetically bond with their clients on an intimate level. And how they didn’t always fulfill a role in a sexual context but rather an emotional one. Standing in for something that people desired or lacked for themselves. 

With that suggestion in mind Dorian reanalyzed the emotion and data from a different perspective. Reviewing every observation he had made about John and where each conclusion had led him. Where the facts were leading him now as he sat there in silent contemplation.

From his own conclusions, Dorian could only surmise that the definition of love was equated to John’s importance that he realized earlier. That it was viewing a person as if they were everything they couldn’t afford to lose and loving them unconditionally as a whole. As the other half that completed them and could undeniably make the emotion both a beautiful experience and a devastating one. Someone they wanted to protect and cherish while offering them their entire world if it meant their happiness. 

Rudy also explained that there were various degrees of love beyond that of a romantic relationship. That familial bonds also met the criteria and that love could be felt in both a platonic and romantic sense. 

At some point in his partnership with John, Dorian’s emotions crossed the threshold into uncharted territories. The revelation leaving him more uncertain and despondent similar to before as he once again felt hopelessly lost.

Love in itself was something more of a nuisance than a gift or happiness. The worse when knowing that it wasn’t reciprocated.

Because while John was the light that defined Dorian’s existence, he regrettably knew it would never flow in both directions. A fact that he had to accept for the truth that it was.

________________

**6\. Reciprocated**

Yet unlike Rudy, who was more open with his affections and emotions, John always expressed his through more subtle hints or actions. The first time being when he reluctantly thanked Dorian for saving his life early in their partnership and the most recent occurring when he abruptly shot the Mx that was insulting him. The violent action startling him mid-explanation as he stared at the sparking remains with utter shock. The initial disapproval felt, giving way to elated joy upon the entire car ride to meet with Kira Larson. 

As presented with the initial evidence that shifted their partnership into a solid friendship, Dorian knew that John did care about him to an extent. That, despite his intense dislike towards the Mx series, Dorian would never be grouped into the same category as them and was something entirely different. An android that wasn’t a ‘bullet-catcher’ but rather John’s partner and equal. His happy toaster and also sometimes his coffee-warmer that his friend was willing to work with regardless of whether or not he was technically fit for duty.

Consequently though, despite how effectively they worked together, nothing ever went as planned in certain cases. Their recent case a prime example when investigating into a potential lead and inevitably caught in a well-laid trap. Paul’s warning remarks of ‘watching their asses’ haunting them as they were left both outnumbered and outgunned. With no reinforcements coming unless they made it out of the jammer’s radius. A task that proved difficult when Dorian was severely damaged after shielding John from the rain of gunfire.

It’s when John stumbled for the third time while supporting him, as they located another vantage point, that Dorian knew what needed to be done. Resigned himself to what was their only option as he implored John to leave him behind. To use the time Dorian could buy as a distraction in order to call for backup once outside the jammer’s frequency. A suggestion that John didn't agree with as he kindly spat out for Dorian to shut it and be suicidal on someone else's watch.

That was the response Dorian needed to replace his fears with surging anger of his own. Arguing with his partner venomously as he coldly stated the probable outcomes and statistics. That, with the odds stacked against them, he would be damned if John didn’t pull out of this alive. Wanting desperately to ensure that he survived at all costs. 

As a DRN Dorian was well aware of what he was designed to do as a cop. That, up until having John in his life, he never once questioned those orders written into his programming and fulfilled them with the knowledge that his sacrifice was for a greater good. That losing a DRN was less important than losing an irreplaceable human life. 

Like with the hostage situation, Dorian quoted the same lines in hopes that John understood. That this time around he could do this because it was important to _him_. And that this time, the person he helped wouldn’t be a faceless civilian but _John_. The most important individual that mattered more than anything else in Dorian’s life. The one he wanted to remember him after he was gone so that his life could finally mean something to someone else. 

Incidentally he hadn’t meant to convey all of this aloud, but judging by his partner’s gob smacked expression he wasn’t able to filter and separate his thoughts from his spoken words. The damage taking its toll, as his systems failed momentarily and Dorian nearly collapsed as the energy warnings flashed across his screen. Their window of opportunity closing as he became more of a hindrance with every passing minute.

Yet despite cursing at Dorian for being a useless deadweight, John continued surging forward with renewed determination. Keeping an eye out on the assailants closing in on them before ducking into a hidden alcove. Their dismal luck finally taking a hopeful turn when Dorian started receiving an endless stream of incoming calls. Turning to inform John of this new development only to stop upon seeing his partner's indifference. The lack of emotion chilling Dorian as his hopeful smile faltered and John only glanced away while shaking his head.

John, who then remained silent as he only paused momentarily to check the remaining bullets in his firearm. Huffing a quiet laugh at whatever he saw before smiling grimly and patting Dorian's shoulder. The gesture revealing everything unsaid with a terrifying clarity. The brief physical contact, that John rarely ever initiated, telling Dorian all that he needed to know as he quickly rerouted his remaining power into his arm to grab onto whatever he got a hold of first. 

From outside the alcove they could hear their assailants closing in. The voices echoing throughout the hollow building as they came closer and forced Dorian, in the short open window they had remaining, to try and persuade John to reconsider. Hastily connecting onto every available signal to call for backup while attempting to grip John’s ankle tightly. His desperation prominent in his pleading eyes as John glanced down with resignation and compassion.

Wasting what little time they had remaining, to kneel down and calmly pry the trembling hand loose.

His gaze reflecting back everything Dorian never thought was possible and shattering any doubts he had upon hearing the last parting words John whispered.

The hand squeezing his tightly in a gesture of reassurance before John sharply stood and rushed out in order to lead their shooters away. Dorian’s hand weakly falling as he continued signaling for help and feeling his entire world falling apart.

The unexpected tears reflecting his own despair as John’s voice echoed in a continuous loop. 

_“You’re all that I have left too, Dorian. Without you I would have dead sooner. So this time…let me save what I consider my reason for living. Let me save you.”_

**Author's Note:**

> After becoming aware of how the episodes were being aired out of order, I decided to write this as my own interpretation of what they were trying to convey and where it will eventually lead in Dorian and John's budding relationship in future episodes or seasons.
> 
> ….This was also meant to have a happy ending fyi. But it didn't happen so I'll leave the ending up for interpretation.
> 
> Enjoy! And hope I did this piece justice :)


End file.
